CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL

Out of the night that covers me, Black as a Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud

Under the bludgeoning of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade

And yet the menace o f the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul

William Ernest Henley (1849-1902)

THE END OF FEAR

I find her lying under the maple tree; I always know where she is. With her eyes closed and her skin looking so pale almost bluish, she looks like she had left me behind. I take nothing for granted now that my powers are fading, I quicken my steps till I am looking down at her.

Hmm... she is resting but not asleep. The rapid movement of her closed eyelids tells me she is not at peace. She can't be. Not after what I'd told her last night - if she could look into my soul, she would see I am as much a rack as she is. What nightmares have I weaved in her dreams?

She opens her eyes and I hold my breath. She gazes at me not with a look of repulsion, but of curiousity tinged with ... dare I hope - acceptance?

VENERE VERITAS

My sister visits and I cringe at her persistence to delve into my obsession. She is appalled at my stubborness that will only bring sorrow and misery to everyone, including myself.

Do I hear her concerns? Do I listen to her practicality on my absurd situation?

No, I sent her away.

IMPERFECTLY MADE

I am drawn to her with an intensity that I had never felt before. She is broken and her shattered pieces cuts into me ... her insecurities, her fears and her loneliness all of which I can understand in more ways than one; it mirrors my soul.

Find me. Those were her words, although never spoken from her lips, mute to even her closest friend - I seek her out like a fool threading the ocean waters without a life jacket. Even before I start my journey, I know I have failed my own destiny. I cannot change who I ought to be; one without options, without choices.

Even comparing vacationing an eternity in the abyss of hell , there is nothing worse than choosing not to love her ... with everything in me.

BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE THINGS IS LOVE

A voice behind me spoke, 'Zacharael, please - everything ends in their world'

I neither reply nor turn back. My mind is made up - I will break every rule to be with her.


28 September 2010

What a waste of time! I remain still, sulking, hunched on a branch in the pitch black cemetery. I hated the way the Council had hauled me up to be lectured. It wasn't like I had a Plan A, B or even a C and they knew this - it had seemed that they were tormenting me for their own pleasure.

So, why the lecture? They didn't have to shove it in my face. I am in denial of the truth - there is no doubt of this fact but never will I let them in on this.

Aahhh... this darkness, how strange I can find comfort in it now. I stare into the darkness and I see her, though I know I am fooling myself if I say my memories are as clear as flipping through the pages of a book, all of it will be gone soon but for now - I can see her, where she used to sit, all alone in her sadness ... and I... I could do nothing for her, then.